What To Do When A Soul Power Scares You
The more you listen to the soul voice, the more you remember who you truly are. The more you remember who you truly are, the more this process will un-do you. This is a delicious, paradoxical aspect of the self-discovery process: The more you discover about yourself, the more you will encounter yourself as wholly mysterious even as every detail of your life begins to make utter sense.
We have not been taught to dance with paradox. We’ve been taught to fling ourself to one end of anything polarizing. But dance we must, if we wish to come to know ourselves and express our gifts fully in this lifetime.
And why bother to deeply know and express our gifts? We could pretend it’s about making the world a better place or “saving the earth,” but really it’s about power, vitality and joy. When we know who we are, when we even attempt to be seen as we are, we draw power and vitality to us. This power and vitality makes us available for full participation in the world… and the world comes more fully alive by virtue of our full participation.
When our soul powers are celebrated instead of repressed, we begin to inhabit our human-ness, rather than walk around preoccupied with being human.
To be fully alive is to be hot with joy. It’s contagious, and community is built this way. A vital, joyful, soul-rooted community— one filled with individuals living and breathing their soul gifts and powers— has the strength to hold its members at the many thresholds of birth, death, transformation and rebirth that occur throughout life. And being held along the way is what, in turn, makes it possible to live and breath our purpose.
To come fully alive in this way, we have to be willing to be un-done and un-wound by the soul powers that scare us most. At one or more crossroads on the soul journey, as you remember who you are and what special medicine you bring to the world, you will discover soul powers that scare you. You don’t have to be particularly spiritual, special, deep, gifted, etc. to be eligible for such discoveries. They just… show up. Soul powers are non-discriminatory. Everyone possesses several, and they can sneak up on us anytime.
Mystery has a way of evoking soul powers in individuals at just the right moment. But too often, after the moment passes, these powers, gifts, or sudden proclivities are considered exceptions to who we are, rather than integral to who we are.
Pause, and look again. The heat of the moment is always an honest moment. At that moment when the natural impulse or deep longing comes over us to dance, sing, write, speak up, build, mend, evoke, ferry, sheppard, tear-down, carry, perform, cook up— that’s when we can choose to hold up a magnifying glass to what’s happening in us. We can choose to be awake to what our desires, likes, dislikes, emotions and intuition are trying to show us.
Often, a soul power will begin to show itself to us through envy, jealousy or complete enchantment with another whom we see enacting this power. Sometimes, it shows up as shadow work (No, not me. I’m definitely not skilled in that way. No, not me. I could/would never do that). Other times, it’s quite a painful knowing that we possess a strong proclivity towards some skill, role or destiny, but inner-protectors and wounds to our creative process hold us back from stepping towards its expression. This last one can bring up an almost desperate longing to be this way in the world, to embody this power, to practice this skill, or to create art for the world by way of this gift. Such longing is also known as a soul calling!
Often when we hear the phrase “soul calling,” we think its one thing, one vocation, one clear path in life that we’re meant for. In my experience (and in working with many others), a soul calling is an on-going conversation between you and the Soul of the World.
Your calling will present differently at different parts of your path… but always there is a Golden Thread. The deeper you converse with the Soul of the World, the clearer what kind of medicine you bring. The clearer what medicine you bring, the more mysterious your calling becomes! But as William Stafford says, you don’t ever let go of the thread…
I have a soul power that truly scares me. It’s singing.
Oh no, definitely not me!! It took me ten years (at very least) of knowing that I lovvvvved singing… was supposed to sing… before I allowed myself to deepen into that conversation (with the help of skillful mentors and a loving, musically-inclined husband). Singing is not my soul calling. But my soul called me towards it in order to help me understand, develop and share my calling.
At first, I didn’t see it as a soul power. In fact, I would have vehemently denied this to be so. For a long while, I saw it as a doorway to healing, allowing myself to be seen, and getting over my (extreme) stage-fright— which it most certainly is! But, when it began to dawn on me that this was more than simply a means to an end, and that I was meant to express my medicine in part through singing, I actually became really afraid of this power…
For me, it’s not about dropping albums or booking gigs: It’s about knowing in my bones that this is a way to fully inhabit my human-ness, and that without it, I don’t fully make sense— and therefore neither does the world. In short: I have to do it in order to be fully alive.
So now, I am learning to sing. Time goes on. Life is a mystery. But when I let songs be sung through me, I can feel the thread in my hand. I know where I am. I can sense who I am… and I feel much less afraid.
Below are 3 ways that you can be in conversation with a soul power that scares you.
Name the soul power that scares you.
What do you know you’re skillful at or extremely drawn towards, but harbor fear about developing and expressing? It may be an art form or specialized skill, but it is just as likely to be a real knack for something (like being calm amidst the storm, deeply empathic, having perfect timing, understanding complexity, creating beauty or sacred space, evoking honesty, etc….)
Hold up the magnifying glass.
Where, when and how do you notice this power in yourself and others? Who do you know (or know of) that also seems to have this soul power? How do you feel around them? What emotions do they evoke in you? Where do you most easily embody or enact this power? What keeps you from enacting or embodying this power? What are you afraid will happen if you were to ____ (in my case: sing)?
Work with a Soul Guide or Mentor.
You might consider either working with a soul guide, spiritual advisor or even therapist to help you explore this power and the potential it might have to change your life if fully owned by you. You might consider finding a mentor who also possesses this special power and is truly accomplished in enacting it in the world. You might pay special attention to ways they’ve overcame their fear about developing and expressing this particular gift.
Join my upcoming FREE class:
FOUNTAIN OF THE VOID: HONORING YOUR WORTH AT YEAR’S END
One of the most crucial gifts we can cultivate to help us claim our soul powers is worthiness. Come explore the wound of unworthiness and how it shows up in our creative processes and soul journeys + learn ways to deeply connect with your incredible worth!!
NOVEMBER 18TH, 2021
10-1pm PST // 1-4pm EST